Connor J Sheffield

Disturbed

Too long have the VOICES in my mind
HAUNTED my life
They have often TORN me apart
Taunting me in THE NIGHT

I was once a child with a mind of INNOCENCE
But THE ANIMAL inside broke free
And within the years of FEAR
I created a PERFECT INSANITY
That made me NUMB

There was so much CONFLICT
About WHO I now was
I had come DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS
Which at first felt like THE INFECTION
But it had become THE CURSE that was my life

Living in a world of DIVIDE
A LAND OF CONFUSION
That seemed to have a VIOLENCE FETISH
And so I was left in this HELL I saw before me

But instead of letting the DARKNESS
DEVOUR everything I had fought to become
I walked INSIDE THE FIRE
And the PARASITE was vanquished

Or so I had led myself to BELIEVE...

Whilst I thought that I would NEVER AGAIN
Have to walk into the EYE OF THE STORM
Trying to emerge into THE LIGHT
I soon discovered that I seemed to to be BOUND
To the LEGION OF MONSTERS
They had created a PAIN REDEFINED

I was my own DECEIVER
I had created my own SACRED LIE
So from then on I wore a FAÇADE
A mask to hide the MONSTER
That DEHUMANIZED me

I used to think I was OVERBURDENED
With the weight of TWO WORLDS
One which had created a GOD OF THE MIND
And another that was SERPENTINE
A winding coil of repetitive DECADANCE

IM ALIVE in a world
Where the SONS OF PLUNDER
Are FORIVEN
For DROPPIN PLATES that equal an act of war
They WANT nothing more than to fight one another
To send in THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD
To fight the TYRANT that they created

I saw that in their minds, they are NEVER WRONG
But everything they provoked created ANOTHER WAY TO DIE

These same types of people were the ones that CRUCIFIED
And in a time where they should LEAVE IT ALONE
Instead they would SACRIFICE
And so I turned to poetry to help me BREATHE again

Although my poetry became my MEANING OF LIFE
It made me a target for a pain i'll always REMEMBER
Because I was never a WARRIOR
And so I would AWAKEN
To a pain that had at this point, become an OLD FRIEND

Eventually, everything that weighed me down had become A WELCOME BURDEN
And whilst it SICKENED me,
That I had reached THIS MOMENT
I knew that life was a cruel MISTRESS
She would torment me with an intent to STUPIFY me
And within THE GAME she played
I could RUN forever
But she would never LIBERATE me

However, I would learn to remain GUARDED
By fighting back with the power of 10,000 FISTS
Instead of begging for it to JUST STOP

Years of INTOXICATION would pass,
But the world was still ENOUGH to make me sick
The amount of hatred was CRIMINAL

Through poetry I could sit and shout at the world, asking
WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO HATE?
Can you not OPEN YOUR EYES
See the world that I would have to one day raise MY CHILD in
A world so broken that it relies only on dreams of AVARICE
Where one man in power would be who we must DEIFY
Because if this is the world we must live in then we shall all be STRICKEN

Through my poetry I imagined myself as THE VENGEFUL ONE
As I ask "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
We should RISE against those
Who believe they are IMMORTALIZED
Before we reach our own MIDLIFE CRISIS"

Within one poem I could SHOUT 2000 problems within this world
But instead I used it for 3 purposes
To reach an audience that is LIVING AFTER MIDNIGHT
To create a fuse and FIRE IT UP so that my mind itself will not explode
And finally to create something that is MINE

These days, I have become happier, with only REMNANTS of my minds ASYLUM remaining
I have discovered so much and whilst for many years I though that I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR
I may have found my love, and I am forever yours as long as YOU'RE MINE

I could lie with you and enjoy THE SOUND OF SILENCE as I gaze into your eyes
I wish to SAVE OUR LAST GOODBYE until it is truly our last
But know that when I'm with you I feel truly INDESTRUCTIBLE