Connor J Sheffield

4 Years Gone

You threw it all away

only pain was known that day

Tears stained my face

You left me full of anger and disgrace

​

I didn't know what to do

What could I say?

Nothing because my heart died

I just sat awake at night and I cried

​

It’s been 4 years gone

You appear to have forgotten your sons

But what did we do wrong

​

And what if you saw me now

What if you never left

Would you be proud of me?

Would you laugh with me?

​

Could we spend our nights like we use to

Watching films together

Just me and you

It'll never be the same

​

The other dads are good

But you were great

You told me you'd be there

And I had faith

But I've lost it

​

Though you will never hear me

I tell you about my day

But you’re away

In another place

With some other face

​

You’re not dead but it feels like it

No email

No address

You vanished from my life

And it caused me stress

​

But what if you saw me now

Could you recognize your son?

Could I forgive all that you've done?

I wish I could

I hope that one day I can

because all I wanted back was my Dad

​

I do what you did

I became you in some ways

And It scares me

I watch the same films

But it never feels the same

​

I'm 18 now dad

You were supposed to take me to the pub

Buy me a pint

Laugh with me till the night

​

But where were you?

I drank without you

it’s not what I expected you to do

but there was no card to tell me true

 

Not a single word from you

​

Though you will never read these words

I write to let it out

Though it’s a waste of time and talent

I need to get it off my chest

Because you were the best